| Scatterati |
[Nov. 21st, 2009|11:49 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | e/n, list, ponies | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Gui Boratto - No Turning Back | ] |
My head is too busy again with things to do this weekend. List tiem yay!
I want to buy a memory book or something. I'm trying to keep track of the times I'm totally loopy and forgetful vs. the times that I'm able to remember everything perfectly while doing 15 things at once. The only common factor that stands out is alcohol. But there are times I'm perfectly sober and too easily distractable, too. Stress is a factor, and trying to do too much at once. I don't want to be frantic and rushing and fumbling and dropping things and forgetting things like my mom has been all her life. I want to figure this out.
Anyway.
In no order whatsoever, things I need to do:
* put purple in hair, let sit, rinse
* take apart MLP and dye its hair
* go to the store and get model paint, brushes, and another color of doll hair or tinsel or something to make her hair prettier than just solid purplish
* find wires and gather supplies for pony modification
* breakfast
* laundry
* coffee
* grocery shopping
* clean litter pan
* freshen kitty water
* feed kitty tuna w/ medicine
* clean room
* find that one health care receipt/bill thing
* order xmas present online for friend
* order costume pieces for Faerieworlds online
* clean shower
* rake leaves
* call Susan about Thanksgiving (what to bring?)
* put together new flash drive of music for Backspace (they need Gui Boratto and Big Pink)
* switch cell phones
* modify pony!
(I know I said I wouldn't take on any extra art or anything until I had my hip figured out and was skating regularly, but, but, Pownies! Hehe.) |
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| White & Nerdy. |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|08:01 pm] |
Me: I'm getting new glasses. I'm not nerdy enough for these.
Preston: Yeah, you are.
Me: ...*flattered* |
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| On the docket |
[Nov. 15th, 2009|11:37 am] |
Trying to un-scatterfy my brain a little. Lists help.
* coffee
* breakfast
* boil eggs for egg salad for lunches this week?
* finish laundry
* gym? (this just does not sound at all appealing)
* Whigs show tonight
* keep an eye on Willow, do another injection if necessary
* deposit checks
* look for a my little pony?
* write card
* call Molly J
* stretch hip
* cleaning
* rake leaves
* finish Blue Planet (during breakfast)
It's actually sort of nice out again. Cold and overcast, but not pouring down rain.
It's officially time for The Big Coat, though. Lows near 40 and highs near 50 call for this. I get chilled so easily.
Hip is sort of numb from stretching. How does that werk? Gotta keep trying. |
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| Hermit. |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|11:48 pm] |
Couldn't make myself go out tonight. I dunno, it's the perfect night with the perfect music and I'm plenty rested and even started to get ready, but, just, no. It just doesn't feel right. I've learned to listen to that.
It's cool. My room is clean and bed is made and laundry is running and I had a wonderful dinner and when I decided to stay home, I laid down and Willow laid on top of me and put her paw on my cheek. <3
Maybe I will go to the gym tomorrow. Going to a show tomorrow night with Pher, too, so that'll be fun.
Life is calm. I enjoy the calm. |
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| Gratitude |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|11:51 am] |
swirling leaves
blue skies
Ella Fitzgerald
lunch with Pher
latte and a cookie
superdreamy thigh highs
soft white paw on my neck
Kim Yu Na's blissful skating
new stretchy ball for the hip seems to work ok
clean laundry
tuna water for Willow, tuna mac w/ brocolli for me
stripy armwarmers
shopping for new frames for glasses
pulling trash/recycling carts out of Preston's parking spot before he comes home from seeing DEVO in Seattle
sad hat
rust orange colored hair tie
Brazil Terroir latte from Barista, the way the foam and crema interact with my tongue
exposed brick
pictures from FaerieCon
soft, slow, quiet steps |
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| Kitten-smitten. |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|11:06 pm] |
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I don't understand how I can sleep with her for hours and hours and pet her and gaze into her eyes and play with her and let her follow me into the bathroom and then, after a weekend of excessive indulging in cat cuddles, still be completely, madly, blindly in love with my cat. So, so smitten. With my little kitten kitten. Love love love. |
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| I'm curious, too. |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|10:20 am] |
Reposting a question from the darling ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) youvebeenpixied:
Are you a bright and sunny or a dark and stormy?
(Feel free to embellish with details/explanations/descriptions/etc.) |
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| Tinkerbell wings nearing completion |
[Oct. 29th, 2009|12:12 am] |
Still not done, but it's only minor stitching and the harness/straps left to do. Totally manageable in a day.
I may get up early and try to finish so I can bring them to werk for my coworker, who will be wearing them Friday.
But I may just bring them to her Friday morning. We shall see.
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| Jack-o-Lanterns |
[Oct. 27th, 2009|11:05 pm] |
Carved pumpkins Monday night. Myrrh got a fire going and we had wonderful food and tea and worked hard and had lots of fun. Sleep-deprived and happy. Lighting them on the porch every night. So pretty.
I made a ghosty in a white pumpkin, a Jack face, and Myrrh made an awesome spider. (He made a bird silhouette too but he took it home before I took pictures - was kind enough to decorate my porch with his spider.)
So much fun!
I have a couple more I think I'll carve Saturday afternoon before the trick-or-treaters come by. And seeds to roast. I love carving pumpkins, even though it's tiring and sometimes frustrating. The lovely glowy-ness of it is priceless to me. |
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| Hip pain. |
[Oct. 21st, 2009|12:51 pm] |
Got so worked up about healthcare problems in the shower that I ended up sobbing for quite some time.
At least I can still do hip stretches while sobbing.
I need to restructure my priorities.
I need to focus all of my extra energy on healing my hip.
It fucking sucks. It hurts. It hurts constantly. Thinking about doing strengthening exercises makes me cry.
But, I can't keep living this half-life, distracting myself with face painting and wings and stupid creative bullshit that doesn't mean anything while I'm dying inside because I can't skate or hike or live life the way I truly want to and should.
No more distractions. If I can't do my hip exercises, I can sit there and do nothing and think about how much I wish I could do other things. (Maybe I'll take up reading if I really can't/refuse to work out or stretch.) If it takes an hour of tears and tantrums to get me to do one rep of strengthening, then that's what I'll do.
If I want anymore costumes or face painting gigs, I have to get through this first.
Getting through the pain is a psychological problem. It nauseates me to think about doing things that cause my hip more pain, when I've felt constant pain for twelve years and I know that working out is going to make it hurt more. I'm so fucking sick of hurting.
But I have to push through this and deal with hurting more if I'm ever going to get through this, get to a point where I'm not crippled all the time.
If two hours of every day for the rest of my life has to be devoted to stretches and strengthening routines in order to not hurt the rest of the time, then I need to figure that out and work that into my life now, instead of ignoring it and putting myself in a wheelchair when I'm older because I never learned how to take care of this chronic problem.
I'm broken. I'll never be fixed. But, if I can make myself do the work, it doesn't have to constantly hurt like this.
I guess.
The hardest part is that I don't actually know if this is true.
But I have to try. I have to find out.
So fucking pissed off from hurting all the time. It's destroying me from the inside out. I'm not fit enough to be truly healthy, and psychologically it's just as crippling as it is physically, to always hurt.
I've got to do something. It's all up to me. Physical therapists can only point the way.
FUCK. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|07:02 pm] |
Home. All I want to do is eat frozen organic pizza and cry.
It wasn't that bad of a day really. It was harder than usual, and my work feels invisible which makes me feel worthless. But hey. It pays the bills, sorta.
I'm not bringing home beer bottles in plastic bags so that I can buy a pack of smokes, like the lady on the bus.
I have a warm fuzzy kitty to love on.
Life is just hard on me, sometimes. |
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| Sunday. Note to self. |
[Oct. 11th, 2009|01:48 pm] |
On the docket for today:
* weekly phone call to step-mom
* trim Willow's claws
* coffee
* laundry (some) (lots)
* change bedding
* clean/vacuum room
* give Willow new tuna water with medicine
* give Willow her injection (Thanks, Myrrh!)
* hip exercises/stretches
* put up some Halloween decorations (lots more to do)
* repurplize hair
* make tuna mac and lunches for this week
* upload pics and videos from camera
* organic chicken noodle soup made by Joshua, beers and local apples from my visit to Apple Fest, kitty loves |
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| Chilly Sunday |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|02:21 pm] |
Things accomplished today:
* slept in late with snuggly kitty (she just nuzzled my arm for pettings, aw)
* called my step-mom
* had coffee w/ Chris
* grocery shopping, got trail mix for jury duty on Tuesday
* closed storm windows (thanks for the help, Pher!)
Already doing better than I thought I would!
Things I'd still like to get done today, but will probably only complete a few of:
* run errands w/ Joshua
* dishes
* laundry
* clean room, put away face paints
* finish headdress and Myrrh's Day of the Dead corsage (here's me in the headdress as-is):
* clean up crafty mess on diningroom table
* clean up/organize crafty stuff in the basement
* sweep/mop kitchen and bathroom floors, vacuum the rest
* steal Pride & Prejudice from mom's house to read on jury duty day
* take pictures of giant grey striped garden spider in her web
* get school notebook and prep bag for Tuesday (I have my first drawing class after jury duty)
* cook fresh wild line caught halibut fillet and saute spinach for dinner
* make lunches for work this week
* give Willow her medicine
* put stretchy clothing in work bag for physical therapy appt. on Monday
* put up Halloween decorations |
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| Tearfulness. |
[Oct. 1st, 2009|02:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | listen close to everybody's heart and hear that breaking sound. | ] |
Had to call the hospital again about a weird bill that's been plaguing me since April. My insurance company told me that there might be a disconnect with the "in network" vs. "out of network" issue, and that if that was the problem I should have the hospital call them.
So of course the hospital told me this charge "should have" been in-network and to call my insurance company back and ask why they billed it as out-of-network.
GAH.
BUT, before I left werk, around 6:30pm last night, someone from the hospital called me back and said she'd gotten notes from my call from earlier and assured me that THEY will call my insurance company, and she apologized for the previous person telling me to do it.
Was so grateful I cried.
And kinda kept crying all night last night. Over my excruciating hip pain (my doctor's referral expired and he is ignoring my request to give me another one. I maybe could get one if I go in and see him again, which costs me $35 out of pocket so I can't right now). And then over the finless porpoises that are all being killed by dredging in the Yankzee River - boats go through every 2 minutes dredging sand from the bottom of the river, which, if the boat itself doesn't kill them, blinds the porpoises with sand in the water, deafens them with noise, makes it impossible to find each other or cross the river (it takes more than 2 minutes to get across), and kills/buries all of their food so they are starving to death. There are less than 400 left last count (in 2008, so probably fewer now). These are innocent, sensitive, intelligent creatures being tortured and killed because humans pay money for pretty sand. Could not. stop. sobbing.
The freshwater dolphins have all been killed and the Baiji is now extinct, due to this activity. The porpoise is the last finless freshwater porpoise in the world. You don't get another try at this, people. There're GONE.
It makes me want them to to outlaw the boats, but I know they don't care and would refuse and who in China is going to listen to some American girl's tears. So I get frustrated and angry and want every human to just lay down and die. Including myself. Leave the animals alone. They're so much more deserving of life than we habitual murderers are.
AND one of my co-workers of four years just asked me to do his laundry jokingly. I haven't gotten that kind of treatment since I was a temp. Thanks, asshole. |
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| Grrr, argh. |
[Sep. 30th, 2009|03:20 pm] |
Me at the 2008 Portland Zombie Walk. Discovered recently via (the dreaded) Facebook.
Was such a lovely time. Can't wait to be a dead fairy again. I think this year I may follow the group around with spray cleaner and rags/paper towels and be the blood-cleanup-zombie-fairy thing.
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| Willow, abstract |
[Sep. 14th, 2009|06:12 pm] |
Preston took a picture of my cat while I was off at werk on Friday - just got it now. So kewt!
She was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure two years ago, and given "a few months, maybe even a year" to live. <3 |
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| Gratitude, abstract. |
[Sep. 13th, 2009|12:10 pm] |
Amazing beach trip. Amazing birthday brunch with brother and step-dad. Amazing mini-burn party last night. Spent a lot of money this week and it was all totally worth it. So grateful for my friends, and Myrrh in particular, who's been so supportive and helpful and exactly what I need at each moment, magically.
Will do a proper update soon.
<3 |
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| Sporatic gratitude |
[Sep. 8th, 2009|05:13 pm] |
* absolutely perfect weather
* the Sandy River is sandy!
* weekend coffee at Backspace
* clean shiny car
* the zingy inspiration in late summer air
* Vaux's Swifts at Chapman school, gathering to sleep in the chimney (dwindling old growth means fewer natural hollows for them to rest in, so they seek out chimneys - maybe one day I'll have a house with a chimney and be graced with swifts)
* big glowy gibbous moon
* Irish cheese and organic crackers
* Sitting outide and sipping lattes w/ Chris
* best brunch ever with Joshua. Perfect omelet with Dani's chicken's eggs and local bacon, grilled onions, mushrooms, cheese, with Spella and yams and toast and stone fruit and omg yum
* snuggling with Willow listening to the windy rain, curling up in sunbeams as the clouds broke
* junk food and laziness and Batman video game with Preston
* best bread pudding in existence at the Moon & Sixpence
* always tasty hearty food at Pause
* stuffed animals made from recycled plastic bottles
* garlic salt
* worn things, showing their lovedness |
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| I really should mail it to my parents to put up by their computer. |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|06:12 am] |
Would it be bad form to print this on 11x17 and post it in my cubicle?
(I think the "magical" part is a: enough experience to recognize which icons "look related to what you want to do" and b: having an intuitive sense of how to search with google, which I personally excel at more than most people I know who are a lot more computer savvy than I am.) |
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